quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
