I'm eating all of the evidence.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
