So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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