I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
