I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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