Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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