I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
don't judge my taste in strippers
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
