my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
