A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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