Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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