in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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