Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
