god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
