You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
