apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
