You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
