I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
