I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
