Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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