god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
