onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
did i just pee glitter
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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