it wasn't lemon gatorade
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
