fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
