Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
