Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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