I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
