I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
