i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We got so high we made milksteak
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
