Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
