I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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