i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
