If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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