I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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