Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
