Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
