Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
