I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
