A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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