there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
