DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
