At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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