Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
