please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
