So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
