I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
