i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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