Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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