Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
