He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
