dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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