It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
