I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
