I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
