my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
