I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
