your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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