Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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