if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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