Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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