He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
