I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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