Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I sprained my soul last night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
